Day 29

The pain in my stomach tells me that I can't tolerate too much cooked food. Today the lunch I went to was pizza, salad, and cake. Apparently I can't tolerate the pizza well anymore. I had an immediate headache after the cake. I didn't even get the sugar high, only the crash. I've been making too many exceptions lately. Part of me is mad at myself but part of me knows that all this is a learning experience. I am doing so much better than I ever anticipated. It's just that I am such a perfectionist that any learning curve is hard for me.

I did realize that my allergies are doing fairly well. I keep running into people who tell me they hardly ever have allergies and they are suffering lately.

In spite of feeling poorly, I did get Becca's room done today. I painted Tinkerbell on her wall. I only have one room left to finish now. I've been wanting to paint gold stripes in my bathroom for over a year now.

Day 28

I had a good day today. I over did it yesterday at the salad buffet. It's funny because what I now consider over did it used to be my doing well. I had salad but did put eggs and bacon bits and honey mustard dressing. I had a cup of enchilada soup, part of a loaded baked potato, one partially eaten mini slice of pizza, and 2 slices of gingerbread. Gee, written out it sounds like quite a lot. I was feeling good about it last night. Of course, today I felt a bit of guilt. My friend Lisa who is super fit and healthy told me that the guilt never leaves. I guess that's a good thing. Eating without guilt is what got me into this trouble.

I weighed myself and I've lost about 10 pounds. I know that I should feel good about this but I think I should have lost more. I haven't been exercising though because I hurt my knee. I don't feel total dispair either. I know that this way of eating is working for me and hopefully I am healing in other ways. By continuing to eat this way, I know the weight will eventually come off. I am much happier tasting things and eating cooked foods a little bit and losing the weight slower than by being extreme all the time. Also I haven't taken allergy medicine in a while. My allergies still bother me some, but this has been a record season and I am not taking any medicine.

Day 28 - later

Okay, I need to buckle down and stop the "bites". My neighbors invited us over tonight on a spur of the moment. We had already eaten dinner and I had made a raw key lime pie so I took the pie over there. I easily could have just had a slice of my pie but I had part of a cheese burger and part of the chocolate silk and coconut cream along with my key lime. The problem isn't that I ate it, the problem is that the compulsion was there. Tomorrow I have a lunch to go to and then it is back to 100% for awhile. At least it is all a learning experience.

Day 27

Not much to report today. I have no ill effects from my Japapnese lunch yesterday. I really haven't been too interested in eating today. All I had until 1:30 was an apple and some water. I did end up eating some raw pizza and nachos after that. Tonight we are doing dinner at Souper Salads. We will see how I do with a buffet. I am feeling confident I can limit the cooked food. I think I am going through another change and don't want heavy foods even if they are raw.

Day 26

I tried to post this and it deleted my message. I'll try again.

I feel so much better today. I really think that my big problem yesterday was detox. I helped out at Ritamarie's dessert class last night. I was having a great time and loved helping out and then towards the end broke out in a sweat and had to run to the bathroom a couple of times. Luckily they had enough help to clean up. I made it home, drank a bunch of water, put a trash can by my bed, and slept for 10 hours. Thankfully I felt fine this morning.

Before I got sick, the class was great. We made chocolate candy, chocolate dipped strawberries, ice cream with chocolate sauce (I am on the search for an ice cream maker now), fudge, key lime pie, and cheesecake. My favorite was the oreo cookies we tasted. I believe I will make a trip to the store for ingredients today.

Today I had my last day of teaching water aerobics. We went out to lunch at a Japanese steak house. Charlie came with us and I made him share an order of sushi and Hawaiian pork with fried rice and veggies with me. We each had our own soup and salad. I am so happy we shared. I was really full. It's nice to know that a whole cooked meal is too much for me. I really enjoyed lunch but it wasn't as good as it used to be. It gives me hope that I can eat this food every once in a while and it won't send me into a spiral.

Day 25

Today has been a hard day emotionally. I've been having anxiety dreams lately. This morning I woke up and had had basically every anxiety dream rolled into one dream. I was trying to figure out why I was feeling anxious and then it took me half the morning to come up with it (you see I am very bright):

I feel like I have lost my identity. Next year Becca is going to Kindergarten. This week alone I have stopped teaching religious education, being a leader for Girl Scouts, and quit teaching water aerobics. In two weeks, my mother will come visit. This will be her first visit in three years and the first one since she has somewhat acknowledged my abusive childhood. I am happy with all these changes. This is what I wanted. My problem is that feel like I took away the main way I used to comfort myself, food. I don't want it back, but also don't know what to do right now. I realize now that being fat has always been a shield for me. Also, Charlie's job is stessing him out right now and the kids are demanding a lot of attention so taking time for myself would be difficult. I should also mention that I have my period and am feeling sensitive.

Day 24 - early

After effects of pizza eaten - upset stomach, sleepless night, tired, basically it wasn't worth it. I never in my entire life thought I would say this, but I think my raw pizza actually tastes better. Now granted this was just a cheese pizza from Pizza Hut but I think I may be over cooked pizza for now. Next time, I will eat a Larabar in the bathroom and just eat the salad.

On a side note, my allergies are still giving me problems. It is really a struggle not to reach for the medicine immediately. I seem to be controlling it with Vitamin C. I don't know how much is allergies and how much can be considered detox. Every one of my fingers is broken out in eczema. This only happens when my allergies are really out of control or if I am detoxing. I did put the cream on because it is miserable to try to do anything when your hands are a mess. On the plus side, I have been "cooking" up a storm and have had to ask Charlie to do all the dishes because of my hands.

I set all of the things I needed to sprout this week out at the same time. According to my sprouting chart, I was staggering when they would be ready so I wouldn't have to make everything at once. Well of course, everything sprouted at once and there has been a flurry of activity in my kitchen. I made raw nachos last night. They came out really good. I would definitely make them again. I also made pizza crust out of barley. I have the pizza in the dehydrator now. The other thing in my dehyrator is something that is supposed to come out tasting like brown sugar pop tarts. I only made a half batch so I can see how they taste. I'll let you know. I had to sprout more wheat and then I am going to attempt "sausage".

I tricked Jessie yesterday. I mixed her spaghetti with raw squash and then topped it with my raw marinara. She noticed the difference but said it wasn't horrible. We decided that next time I would mix the sauce half and half with Ragu. She also had to make sure that she had spaghetti and squash in every bite. She tasted the pizza the other night and said it wasn't bad. Becca on the other hand doesn't want to try anything. Nothing new there. She doesn't want to try any new cooked foods either. She eats fruit like there is no tomorrow so I am not concerned. I don't want the girls to go completely raw but I want them to eat more raw foods. They both have asthma from time to time and Jessie's allergies are bad like mine.

Day 23

I am making progress on the guilt thing. I went to a friend's house today. They are from Iran and are she is a very gracious host. Everytime I go over there, she has food set out. She has a 4 year old and a 3 month old. Before we went over today, I told her that I didn't want her to feel like she had to set anything out. We just wanted to visit. I didn't think we would be there through lunch so it shouldn't be a problem. When we got there, she started talking about how isolated she was feeling. We ended up staying later than I had planned. I told her about eating raw foods. I was a little vague about how strict I am being. We are more aquaintances than friends so I didn't want to get into it. Well, one thing led to another and she wanted to order pizza for lunch. I told her that we should see if they could deliver a salad because I was more in the moos for that. Of course, the salad was brown and wilted. I ate a portion of it anyway (with the ranch dressing). I also ate a slice and a half of pizza and a half of a tuna sandwich. I really had to struggle not to feel guilty. I have to keep telling myself that I did fairly well. It is so hard for me not to second guess myself, but I think I am making progress. This time it only took me one phone call to a friend and about an hour of self-doubt. On the physical side, I feel stuffed and bloated.

My allergies ended up getting pretty bad last night. I took a Benadryl and nose spray. So in one day ended up needing eye drops, eczema cream, nose spray, and Benadryl. Today I had a hangover from the medicine. I am going to try to drink tons of water and Vitamin C to flush it out.

Tonight I will either have a nice salad or raw nachos. It depends if my tummy feels better from lunch.

Day 22

Not much to report today. I am still in a really good place with all this. I was explaining to one of my friends that it is so freeing to finally see this as a lifestyle. I know you guys are probably sick of hearing me talk about it but it really has relieved me of all the guilt associated with eating cooked foods once in a while. It has also given me patience with seeing results on the weight and allergy front.

Speaking of allergies, mine have been a bit worse today. I ended up using cream for my eczema and eyedrops. I am debating reaching for the decongestant. I think it is allergies but it would be cool if it was detox. I wonder how long it takes to completely get rid of allergies (so much for my newfound patience).

I had two highlights today. The first is still cracking me up. I was so excited because I made cashew cheese with nutritional yeast and it came out incredible. Who knew that nutritional yeast would make it taste so cheesy! I still can't get over that I am so excited about nutritional yeast. The other highlight is that I started painting the decorations in Jessie's room. This is a project that I started back in March and never finished. It feels good to have the energy for these projects.

Day 21

Three weeks! I can hardly believe it. Today was great. I was cracking myself up because I was on a search for chia seeds to eat. I called everywhere in town but had no luck. I'll have to special order some.

My knee is feeling a bit better today. It is still sore but healing. I had to take a nap today. I think it was because of allergies. I was outside a bit yesterday. It was really nice because I didn't feel bad about napping. I have reached a point where I realize that eating raw is helping me even though every ailment didn't leave overnight. I still haven't taken even over the counter allergy medicine for a while.

I went to a raw food potluck tonight. It was a lot of fun. Charlie and the girls went to church and then McDonald's. I felt very virtuous in what I was eating. It was neat to connect with other people. It was funny because they had pizza with flax crust. I am having this raw pizza obsession lately. I had resigned myself to just a small piece when Ritamarie came in with some mini pizza crusts just for me. My savior! I also learned that I have people reading this from all over the place. Some of the people I've never met. I love that.

On a side note, I learned last night that cashew cheese doesn't keep as long as I thought. I had it in the frig for about a week and a half before I put it on my pizza last night. My stomach was upset for a while.

Day 20

I am feeling really good about this raw lifestyle today. I understand now that that is what I want; this as a lifestyle and not a diet. Any cooked foods I eat are a choice I make at that time. If this is a lifestyle then after that choice, of course I go back to eating raw foods. I've heard a lot of people talking about lifestyle changes when they talk of moderation. I know that for me at least, moderation is not a choice. Being raw just seems so much healtier to me. I feel like a big weight is lifted by declaring this as a lifestyle, there is no guilt involved anymore. I can't even believe that this is coming out of my mouth (or fingers in this case).

Some really funny things have happened recently. I was reading an article about vegans. I've always respected veganism but it seemed a little extreme. Actually, vegetarianism sometimes seemed extreme. As I was reading the article and accompanying recipes. I realized that I couldn't eat any of them. I actually am more extreme than a vegetarian or vegan. That came as a little shock. The other funny thing is that I found out that chia seeds can be substituted for flax seeds. I am so excited but can't help but wonder if my hair will turn into chia grass. I'll keep you posted.

I'm rather full from dinner tonight. I ate an entire raw pizza. I think the problem is that because I only had one recipe that didn't use flax and that recipe took a couple days to sprout, I was really looking forward to it. I should have stopped after half. Oh well, it's not like it was bad for me. My knee still hurts today. Hopefully it will heal soon.

Day 19

Today was so much better. I really believe that God or the universe or whatever gives us the tools we need. Last night I was so upset by my perceived failure. I tried to call a few of my friends but they weren't available. I ended up posting to an email group and a web forum; and the responses I got were so wonderful. It was exactly the advice and validation I needed. Basically I've realized that I can be a bit of a perfectionist. I also somewhere in my mind I must view this as a diet if I consider eating a few cooked foods "cheating". If this is a lifestyle (I've already decided to continue eating this way past the 30 days) then there is no cheating. I had someone point out to me that I have eaten about 4 meals a day raw and maybe 1/4 of a meal cooked for 18 days. I think that is considered living raw in anyone's book. Also, I am only less than 3 weeks into this and am getting upset when I eat cooked foods. There is always a learning curve not to mention adjusting my taste buds and undoing 35 years of bad eating habits. I am doing pretty darn good. When seen in that light, I can't believe the progress I have made. Hopefully I can avoid another self-defeating episode like that. I have noticed some changes in my tastes. Maybe some day, even burgers on the grill won't appeal to me. By the way, I did have a little stomach ache last night and felt gassy.

I have seen some changes in my body. My face looks thinner. My knee is still hurting. Today it swelled up. A friend says that my muscles might be dehydrated. I haven't been doing well with my water. I also haven't gotten my period yet. I am almost a week late which isn't that unusual for me (and no there is no chance I am pregnant).

The thing with my knee is kind of weird. Every time I tried to do a body comp, the test would show that my cells are severely dehydrated but that I am retaining water. I always have this puffiness about me. Ritamarie told me last year it was because my cells were under-nourished. My friend today also told me that sugar can coat the cells so that nutrients and water can't get in. All of this knee stuff could be related. I really think that after my cells slough off this coating of yuck, they can absorb the nutrients and become hydrated. After that, my body will release all this extra water and I will see a significant water weight loss. It all sounds good to me.

Day 18

Well I WAS having a good day. I went and had lunch with Christa who started eating raw last year. We has a great visit and great food. I really enjoyed myself. I was feeling very capable today and not having any cravings. I was feeling great about my ability to control my tastes of cooked food and to only allow them once in a while. My water aerobics class is planning to take me to lunch at a Japanese steak house for my last day of work next week and I was feeling very in control of eating that meal and returning raw. THEN....At dinner I had planned to make a big salad since I ate heavier at lunch. My husband comes in and tells me that the burgers he was grilling for him and the girls were almost ready. First of all, burgers are one of my biggest addictions. The raw pizzas help me with the pizza thing but nothing is a substitute for grilled burgers. This is from the man who would never grill burgers for me. Everytime I would make burgers, he would try to get me to do them in the broiler because it was easier. So I managed to only have 1/4 of a cheeseburger although I also added ketchup and mayo. It was an organic beef burger which I suppose is better than the alternative. Of course my choices were to either obsess about not eating the burger or obsess because I didn't. I really thought I was making such great progress. To make matters worse, this same husband had suggested to me this morning that maybe the reason I wasn't losing weight was the few bites of cooked food I had eaten. Now I may be prone to over (or under) exaggerate things to my advantage, but I swear I am not exaggerating when I say I literally have taken a few bites of food. I have completely confessed my transgressions on this blog. Charlie then suggested that my body is just very sensitive and I may need to be more radical than other people. HELLO, what I am doing isn't radical?!!! Needless to say, I am near tears and not sure how much to beat myself up about this.

Day 17

I have had a good day today. It's funny because when I talk to people who aren't making health changes and explain that I ate a few bites of food, they get this look in their eye like they are witnessing the end of this raw business. When I talk to people who are making health changes, they seem to thing that I did well on my eating strategies last weekend. I am feeling good about things today. I know that some of the weight is water retention from my allergen foods (love that flax). I also am focusing on the other benefits of this diet. My body has a lot to heal with allergies and insulin resistance. Even though I still have a bit of my allergies, it is a fraction of what they normally are. Also, I have been able to see my food addiction. I actually went to a party and was satisified to only take bites of food instead of gorging myself. I know from the past that moderation diets don't work for me. This way of eating will allow me to become healthy. If I do eat cooked foods now and again, it will be a choice not a compulsion. I am starting to lose my taste for some of my addictive foods. Both times I had a bit of cheese this weekend, it didn't taste as good. Eventually I am hoping to not desire cooked foods at all without feeling deprived. For now, I feel in control. I'll let you know about tomorrow.

I am doing this for my health

I am doing this for my health. I am doing this for my health. I am doing this for my health. Maybe if I repeat this enough times I won't care that I'm not really losing weight. I lost about 6 pounds the first week and nothing the second. My email buddy isn't being as strict and has lost 15 lbs. I read on an email site that some people don't see huge changes the first month. I swear I may hurt someone if I lose less than 10 lbs. this month. Shoot, I usually can lose close to 10 lbs in the first week of a moderate diet. Here I am shocking my system and not losing any. I am doing this for my health. I am doing this for my health.

Day 16

I figured out, for me at least, that there are two consequences for the cooked food I ate this weekend. The first is that I had a little allergy attack this morning. It was short-lived but not pleasant at the time. The second consequence is that I now have a little voice that tells me that eating a bite or two of cooked food is okay. I'm not too worried about this because I recognize this voice for what it is and I choose not to listen to it. I am still pleased with what I did at the Easter party. I think that even knowing the consequences, I would make the same choice. Like I've said before, I will eat only raw foods except for the odd occasion where I will make the best choice available or just taste things. I will also plan ahead for these events so I am not going into them hungry. I will limit these occasions. This is my choice for now and I believe that I am doing a good job. Eventually I may get to the place where I don't even desire cooked foods.

I have a few things I want to concentrate on this week. I want to make sure I am drinking enough water. I will avoid flax, bananas, carob, and chocolate. No tastes of cooked foods this week. I will make sure I eat only fruit until 11 am and a big salad at least once a day. Hopefully with this I will see a weight change.

Day 15 - halfway there

I did well at the Easter party today. I had a moment of panic at the beginning when everyone was putting food out. I started thinking that I couldn't handle it and I should just punt the whole thing. I can always go back to it tomorrow. Then I thought about how I said I would allow myself a taste of the things I really wanted and fill up on my raw foods. Charlie and I brought deviled eggs and a fruit tray. At the last minute I decided to bring the Mexican crackers I dehydrated yesterday and stuff to make guacamole. This was truly an inspired idea. When I got there, I saw that they didn't have many appetizers I could eat so I made the guacamole. Since they didn't have corn chips for the other guests, I shared my crackers. Everyone was receptive to the crackers. I can't say that anyone thought they were better than chips but since it was all we had, they ate them. People LOVED the guacamole. It was the funniest thing. All I did was throw together some avocados, tomato, green onion, and parsley (I accidently grabbed this instead of cilantro). I threw in some salt and lime juice. Everybody kept raving about it. I never knew I was a guacamole gourmet. I made some progress today. My appetizers were much more appealing to me than the other ones. I can't say the same about dinner but at least I have hope. They had chicken, sausage, potato salad, pasta salad, etc. After my guacamole and crackers I was bordering on full. I took a bite of the stuff I really wanted, passed on the rest and had my raw foods. I did the same for dessert. I am stuffed. I had a headache last night and feel a slight one now.

I am trying to nurture and support myself. I feel like I made progress at the party today. I don't really know what is "right" for raw foods people to do in this situation. Am I still a raw foodist if all I took were bites? I only know that I would probably be in tears and obsess about what I couldn't have for days if I hadn't tasted the food. So on the one hand, I am wondering if I am justifying my actions and on the other, I am proud of how I handled the party. I wonder if we ever stop second guessing ourselves. Am I a failure if I allow some regular foods into my life sometimes? I just want to be healthy and have a healthy relationship with food. I think the big test comes this week to see if I have any problems with staying 100 percent raw. I have no "special" events on the horizon. If I can continue the course and not let any cooked food sneak back in then I can say that having it on some occasions is okay.

Day 14

Well, I had my first non-raw meal today. I actually feel pretty good about it. Charlie started talking about going out to eat. Then my friend called and I ended up bringing my bottle of organic, sulfite free wine over to her house. After finishing the bottle, we all started talking about going out to eat. I have to hand it to Lisa, she had researched on the web all the places we could go to get raw food. The only problem is they are all far away and Charlie is playing the Easter vigil mass with his choir, so we were on a limited time schedule. Lisa even said that next time she goes to Whole Foods downtown, she is going to buy food to stick in her freezer for times like this. After thinking about it for a while, I decided I wanted to go out. I like what will happen on this diet but I've always said that I still want to be able to occasionally go out and enjoy myself with friends. It just shouldn't be the worst thing on the menu and it shouldn't be every week. I'm actually pretty proud of myself. We went to the Oasis. They automatically put out chips and salsa and we ordered queso. I was able to eat a few chips without shoving my face in the bowl and devouring the whole thing. I was satisfied with what I had and made sure I was aware of how much I was taking. For dinner I ordered a shrimp fajita salad. I know that I probably could have ordered a salad and asked for only raw stuff, but the shrimp sounded good to me. It had cooked onions and pepper, guacamole, greens,cheese and a vinegarette. I have to say that I liked the shrimp, but the cheese didn't interest me. I ended up eating about half the salad and packing the rest up for home. I told my husband that he could have the leftovers. I ate two bites of the kids' chicken and cheeseburger. I ate like two french fries also. I was very proud of myself because I was very aware of the menu. The salad really was the item that appealed the most to me. I feel like my goal is to eat raw 100 percent of the time at home. If friends want to go out or Charlie and I want to go to dinner every once in a while, that is fine. I think that if I can live this way I won't degenerate back into fast food once a week. I also ordered water instead of the diet cola I wanted. I figured that I wasn't justified in punting the whole thing. My plan for tomorrow's potluck is to eat my raw foods. If there is something I am absolutely dieing to try I will allow myself no more than one bite of it to taste. What do you guys think of this? Is this a breakthrough or am I just justifying a night of cheating? What I did tonight didn't feel like cheating to me. What do you guys think?

Day 13

Today is a good day. I am happy with how well I seem to be recovering from my flax incident. The family took a trip down to Whole Foods downtown. Charlie and the girls got pizza and I got a raw lasagna and salad. I also picked up raw meatloaf, creamed spinach, tomato bisque, marinated veggies, and cheesecake for Easter. I will probably make a fruit tray to share with everyone else. It would have been way too expensive to buy raw food to share. I admit that it was hard to ignore all the other great eateries there but I did pretty well. I had two bites of pizza (they were small I swear). Becca and I both had leftover food. On the way home, I was snacking on the rest of my lunch and realized that mine was better leftover than hers. I think that it really helped my morale to go in there and get some treats.

Charlie keeps laughing at me because I am so excited when whatever I am trying to sprout actually sprouts. Right now I am soaking wheat berries to sprout for some morning muffins. I am also soaking pumpkin seeds and sunflower seeds to make some Mexican crackers. I also bought barley and wild rice to sprout for pizza crust. On my menu this week is Mexican crackers with raw hummus and guacamole, morning muffins, pizza, leftovers from Easter hopefully, and salad at least once a day. I will make French dressing and honey mustard dressing. I usually try to only have fruit in the mornings and I carry a Larabar in my purse at all times. I am feeling a lot more capable today. I am going to try to work on my willpower for the party on Sunday. Like I said, so far I am doing well. I feel very capable today. I am also pleased that I am not obsessing about the pizza today and not beating myself up for tasting it.

No more flax

Last night, about 12 hours after my second large concentration of flax seeds, my eyes started itching and it felt like my throat was starting to close up. I went ahead and took 2 Benadryl, woke my husdband up, and waited the 20 minutes for the Benadryl to kick in. My husband was NOT very helpful after being woken from a deep sleep but that's another story. I am fine today but am feeling the after effects of the 2 Benadryl. No more flax for me.

Day 12

I've been struggling with the thought of why 100 percent raw is better than mostly raw but allowing myself a couple of bites here and there. A wise person (thanks Ritamarie) said that you can't just have one bite when you are dealing with an addiction, at least not this early in the game. It's like an alcoholic saying that they are only going to take one drink.

Foodwise, today was fine. I had leftover raw pizza for lunch and realized that I am reacting to all the flax in the crust. My throat got very itchy and I could feel the allergic reaction. I think it was too much flax at a time. I am going to try out other crust recipes next week.

I had a nice visit with a friend today and in talking to her realized I might have a totem animal. I'm not exactly sure what a totem animal is but I've been learning a lot about myself and life through sea turtles. Having a totem sounds cool at least.

Day 11

Today was a much better day. The pizza came out pretty good. I think that I've decided that I should simplify a bit. I keep trying new recipes and I only like about half of them. I realize that this is a new way of eating and I am learning what I like but I don't like being wasteful. I've decided it is probably a good idea to make sure I have items I know I like (guacamole, pizza) and try only one new dish a week.

Yesterday, Charlie came home from running an errand with a fast food burger. He tried to hide it from me but I caught him. I only took one small bite but could have cried because I really wanted to wrestle it from him and devour it. That small bite of burger has been the only cooked food to knowingly pass my lips. Earlier in the week I had a small bite of chicken and then spit it out. Maybe I'll invent a new eating disorder where you fill up on fruits and veggies and then eat a whole burger but spit out every bite (just kidding). I am trying so hard not to think about that burger. All of this has made me realize that this is my addiction talking. If I look at it in those terms it helps. It becomes a battle of wills. I keep holding on to the fact that people say that you really can beat this addiction and that eventually you really don't desire those foods. I think that for me this is the reason I had to go 100 percent raw. It is also the reason that no other diet has worked. Everything I have done before hasn't addressed the addiction and how to combat it. I really think this is the first time I've actually realized what an addiction I have!

All else is well. My fingers are broken out in eczema. I have decided to stay away from the scale for a while. I hope that this will allow me to focus on the changes in my body and not have something that shows what changes aren't occurring. I really hope I see a radical difference in this month to make it all worthwhile. I just read on a raw board how this one woman didn't have many changes. Everyone kept telling her to hang in there. All I kept thinking is when should you say hang in there and when should you say cut and run.

Day 10

I'm doing okay today. I realize that the reason I am wanting cooked foods is that my addiction is talking to me. It's not even that I am wanting cooked foods, I want bad foods. I want pizza and hamburgers. I feel like I could feed this with the raw pizza but it takes over 24 hours from the time I decide to make it until I can eat it. Top these cravings off with the fact that I had a Girl Scout meeting today (I am unwillingly the leader) and it makes for a hard day. The problem now is that it is 4:30 and I don't have anything that sounds good to eat in the house. I have plenty to eat but none of it sounds good. Hopefully this is another part of the addiction that will go away. I guess I'll just have a salad.

It seems that Mondays and Tuesdays have been harder for me. This week, I thoughtfully picked out what I was going to make but nothing seems to be coming out very well. I made pesto mushrooms which sounded good but feel too rich whenever I eat them. I tried to make sweet potato chips and they didn't come out very well at all. They still taste like raw potatoes which isn't that pleasant. I even put lemon and olive oil on them. I guess I didn't use enough and didn't dehydrate them long enough. I did them for 11 hours and the recipe only said 5 but they still are soft. I also tried to make onion dip. I had some at the party the other day and couldn't get enough. I think that maybe you really need a Vita mix for this. It never got creamy for me and became more like a pate. I really have had enough of the pates. I do have a few corn chips left and can make more guacamole. I think I need to see this as a learning experience of what foods I don't like.

I did come up with an idea for Easter. We have a Whole Foods downtown that has a raw food bar. I am going to make the trip down there this weekend and but some food to take to the Easter potluck. That way I will feel like I got a treat also.

Also today, my sinuses and knee hurt. I think this is part of the detoxSo all in all, I am trying to remember that my addiction is what is talking to me now. This is the time to meditate and be kind to myself. If I nurture myself and eat for fuel right now, maybe I'll start enjoying it again soon. The problem is that with a five and eight year old, I don't get time to nurture myself.

Tomorrow, Jessie has a field trip and we need to take a sack lunch. I am hoping to have something ready to take. Hopefully tomorrow will be a better day.

Day 9

I am not having a good food day, psychologically. I haven't been really craving any specific cooked foods, but I am not interested in my raw foods. I just want something cooked today. It's not even a taste bus thing. I went to my friend Lisa's, and she had a bean and corn salsa and I wasn't interested at all. I think this is more in the realm of WHY DO I HAVE TO DO THIS!!! I am trying to remember why I am doing this. I remember my list: allergies, weight, energy, general health; but it doesn't seem to be making a big difference right now. My skin has excema patches that are itchy (allergies or detox). My allergies are a lot better but not gone. I broke down and took an allergy pill this morning (it made me really shaky half the day). I'm not exhausted but can't say that I have new huge amounts of energy. I can tell that the raw diet is helping with everything and that it is early in the game still, but it doesn't feel worth it to me right now. I think the word I am looking for is resentment.

I also have to figure out what to take to an Easter potluck. I figure some pizza, corn chips and guacamole, and chocolate coconut truffles. I know that these events should be about the company and not the food but that is a huge mind shift for me. It has been a lot about the food my whole life. I think I am just feeling sorry for myself. I hope that this goes away soon. I don't wallow in self-pity very well. I plan to keep to my 30 day strict 100 percent raw and hope that the changes are yet to come.

Day 8

I've noticed that I am eating a bit less today. I think that is because I ate too much last night. Hopefully my body is starting to figure out what it needs and when. I had canteloupe for breakfast, a salad for lunch (I made an awesome French dressing), and I made pesto stuffed mushrooms for dinner. I wasn't very interested in the mushrooms after I made them so I ate a bowl of pineapple. The mushrooms came out great but were too rich for tonight.

I went through the raw cook books I have (I now have 3) and here is what I am making this week:
pesto stuffed mushrooms (heated in the dehydrator)
sweet potato chips
spinach and onion dip
marinated dehydrated onions
angel hair pasta with marinara (zucchini)
BBQ chicken fingers (carrots and sprouted lentils and seasoning)
honey mustard sauce
fries with ketchup (marinated jicama with homeade ketchup)
chocolate truffles (coconut oil, cocoa, agave, and coconut_
raw apple pie


I have a few recipes for the fries. They say that they come out looking exactly like fast food fries. The problem is that no cookbook has said what they taste like. I don't care if they look just like french fries if they taste horrible. I will report back.

Outlaw Scales!

This is why they tell people to throw out their scales. The scale says I am about 245. That's only 2.5 pounds less. I have a confession to make. I've been weighing myself everyday. I know I'm not supposed to but I am a scale addict. Yesterday morning the scale said I was about 241. That's 3 pounds less than today and a total of 6 pounds. I did eat too much last night but it was all raw. On top of that, I did end up taking allergy medicine last night which I'm sure made me retain water. On the plus side, something amazing happened in the middle of the night. The paunch I have above my waistline has significantly gotten smaller. I know it happened overnight because yesterday I was trying to pick out clothes to wear to the party that would make it look smaller. We'll take a vote on the scale thing. Let me know if you guys think I should pitch the scale or do at least weekly weighings.

Day 7

Wow! I made it a whole week. Today has been a good day. I had some hives earlier in the day on the back of my knees. We were outside all afternoon and I am a bit congested and my eyes are itchy. Nothing at all like last week. Poor Charlie is really suffering. He can't stop sneezing. I told him that I wasn't trying to be mean but that him suffering reminded me that I wasn't suffering nearly as bad as usual.

I am so full tonight. Ritamarie's party was great. For those of you who weren't there and don't know, Ritamarie is the natural healer I was seeing for the last year. She is the one who inspired me to go raw and is helping me out. It was her 50th birthday party and almost all the foods were raw. She kept kidding me about how hard it must be for me to be at a party with tons of food on my first raw week. I came home with lots of recipes and some new friends. Thank you to everyone who has been so supportive. It really means a lot to me to know that people are reading this. Thank you Christa for guiding me through all the food at the party. Tonight is the only time I've had a problem with gas and bloating but I know that is because I ate way too much.

I felt like a bit of a super star at Whole Foods today. I had a couple of conversations with the people who work there about being raw.

So as far as progress goes, I am afraid to weigh myself tomorrow after gorging myself tonight. I have come a long way in just a week with the food. I am getting more adept at preparing tasty raw foods. I am learning what I like and what I don't. I haven't been hungry at all and haven't had any food cravings. For me, I am working on the social part of eating and how being raw affects that. Ritamarie serves as a great role model for bringing food to parties and serving only raw at her party. My friend Lisa is awesome. She keeps telling me that if I give her some recipes, we can get togther and have raw only dinners with our families. My friend Cindy is encouraging me to bring raw food to her Easter party. I am so lucky to have this support network along with Ritamarie's email group.

I am a big believer in the universe bringing us what we need by coincidences. It is interesting to look at the coincidences that brought me on this journey. One of them today is that I made the commitment to go raw for 30 days. I got a raw book in the mail the other day. I just found out that the author of the book is giving a lecture at Ritamarie's next month. It so happens that the lecture is on my 31st day of being raw. If that isn't fate I don't know what is.

Day 6

I've been breaking out in hives yesterday and today. I can't pinpoint if it is the high oak pollen count outside or if it is a food allergy. I took a blood test a while back that said I have a sensitivity to (among other things) bananas, flax, and chocolate. I have had small amounts of all three of those recently. The thing with the blood test said that if you stayed away from the foods for 3 months, you could probably have them again. I stayed away from bananas and flax at least. The oak pollen is very high right now and every time I've broken out, I was outside right before. I am only getting one hive at a time. Most of them are on my fingers. They go away after a little while. Does anyone have any idea if this is normal detoxing or a combo of allergies?

Other than the occasional hive, I've been doing well. I only had time for a couple of bites of banana ice cream this morning (not as good refrozen) because I went to meet a friend. After we played around in a yarn store (I knit), I decided to get the HEB portion of my grocery shopping done. By this time I was getting hungry. I did very well. I wasn't tempted to snack on anything. This is big progress because I used to love to sample all the foods. I got home and had leftover guacamole and corn chips at around noon. It was so weird because I was still full at dinner. I ate a small salad and was done.

I also went to exercise today. I did about a half hour combined on the elliptical and treadmill. I plan on ramping up the exercise as I feel ready and adding some weight lifting. Each day I have a little energy surge. Hopefully they will continue to increase in duration.

Day 5

I am feeling pretty good today. I haven't had a burst of energy like yesterday but I'm not needing a nap either. Part of my energy problem today could have something to so with my five year old needing to be attached to me and talking constantly. She's probably sucking any extra energy I may have. That's okay. She is actually being pretty sweet. I register her for Kindergarten next Monday. I am both sad and ecstatic.

My corn chips came out okay. They aren't exactly how I imagined they would be. I might play with the recipe some. I bet that adding some kelp would help. Maybe when I have them with guacamole tonight they will taste better.

Today I have more sushi chips in the dehydrator and I made these awesome chocolate chip cookies with walnuts, raw cacao, agave, and coconut. Becca (my 5 year old) doesn't think they taste like chocolate chip cookies. Jessie (8) hasn't tried them yet. Jessie was horrified to see my bean sprouts last night. I had to assure her that my dinner didn't gross me out as much as it did her.

I'm excited because on Saturday, we are attending an all raw birthday party. I think that I'm not going to tell the kids that the food is healthy and see what they like.

Day 4 addendum

I had to comment on the food I made tonight. The Pad Thai was very good. The sauce for it was awesome. I think I will make up some more of this sauce and make lettuce wraps with veggies. The sauce was simple, almond butter, orange juice, ginger, Bragg's, and honey.

BANANA ICE CREAM! Oh my God! It was awesome. All you do is freeze some ripe bananas and process them in the food processor. You have to keep processing it until it is smooth. It takes a little while and will be grainy at first. Keep processing it. It was so good. I am having visions of making fudge sauce or adding pineapple and coconut to it. I think I may have a new staple.

Day 4

I am feeling so much better today. Thank you to everyone who was so supportive. I think that the first step to making a huge change like this is to have a good support network. Mine is stronger than I anticipated.

I decided today that part of what was bothering me about the diet was that the food was too rich. I know that sounds strange but I think that the texture of the mock salmon and fettucine sauce was too similar. My advice to anyone else thinking about attempting this is to use the 30 day diet plan as a guide and not to follow it strictly (at least if you are a foodie and have authority issues like me). What I have decided to do from now on is to flip through the book and see what appeals to me, thus the corn chips I am currently dehydrating. I am so excited. Tomorrow I will be eating corn chips and guacamole and salsa!

Today I made the collard rolls which did not sound good but were actually quite yummy. You marinate portobella mushroom and onion in Bragg's for a little while. You drain it and mix it with shredded carrot and zucchini and some avocado or guacamole and put the whole thing in a collard leaf. I have to tell you that I was very skeptical of this. I don't care for raw mushrooms. Actually, I've never been a huge raw veggie fan. I've always preferred them cooked with sauce. I was so surprised by how much I enjoyed this. Tonight I will make Pad Thai and banana ice cream.

I had a bit of an energy surge today. My sinuses aren't completely clear yet but I'm sure there are years of damage to them that I am healing. Also allergies have been pretty bad around here. I haven't been having a problem with them but I haven't been hanging outside either. Everything i read says that I can expect my energy to really increase from here.

Day 3 - later

Okay this is really weird but I am not hungry at all. It really shows how much eating we do is for our heads and not our stomachs. I ended up not really eating dinner because nothing raw seemed appetizing and I 'm not really hungry. This is what I ate today:
green powder
couple bites of canteloupe
curry sushi chips I made (they came out great)
salad with 1/4 avocado, cucumber, mock salmon, and dressing on spinach
lemon coconut cookie
couple bites of canteloupe

I am hoping I don't fall into a trap of eating more of the nut based foods and not as much of the veggies. I am guessing that as long as I eat a salad every day and take the greens powder, I should be fine. I hope that my body will decide at some point that it wants what it needs and I will crave the raw veggies. I've always liked veggies cooked but not always raw. I am hoping my taste buds change.

Charlie is going to kill me but I am already talking about maybe eventually being 75% raw instead of 100%. I am dreaming of eating real food sometimes at dinner. Not a good thing to be tinking about on day 3.

Day 3 - early

Okay, detoxing sucks. I don't know how much of it is detoxing and how much is the after effects of my allergy attack, but I am pretty sore. My core muscles (ribs, back, neck) are all very sore. The joints in my hands hurt also. I am still a bit congested but my sinuses feel better. I don't have a headache today. I started a 2 week herbal cleanse on Sunday also, so I probably am really detoxing. I know I didn't drink enough water yesterday either.

On the food side, I haven't been as hungry. Today I just had green powder for breakfast. Nothing else is appealing right now. I may have some canteloupe later. I've never been a big morning eater.

I seem to do very well all day until dinner. Dinner has been a hard meal to change. At that time I want something more substantial than raw veggies and nuts. Even just cooked veggies sound more appealing. Don't worry, I've been holding out against the cravings. My husband had a steak and rice last night. I was really wanting at least a bite but he wouldn't let me. It really helps that he is there to support me at my worst time. Hopefully this craving is more habit than anything else and will end in time or when Charlie starts eating these dinners with me. I think that at dinner I have to get over the thought of eating for pleasure and get into eating for fuel. The rest of the day everything I eat is very appealing and tasty. Does anyone have any advice on the dinner thing?

Day 2

I am feeling a bit better today. My sinuses are finally opening and draining. I still haven't had much energy but am getting better. I'm bummed out because I really had wanted to work out today.

I didn't expect to have any cravings yesterday but in the afternoon I started wanting something like bread or crackers. I think it was because I wasn't feeling well and was looking for comfort food. I also was feeling a bit nauseous from the congestion and thinking about nuts and raw veggies was unappetizing. Tonight I will dehydrate some sushi chips and lemon coconut cookies. That way I can just grab them when I get a craving like that again.

I haven't had any cravings today. I made a frozen smoothie for breakfast. Lunch was a spinach salad with mock salmon, avocado, cucumber, pumpkin seeds, and dressing. It was pretty tasty. I also had a slice of the date nut torte. For snack I had almond butter, agave nectar, chocolate nips, and coconut flakes mixed together. I plan to have the fettucine alfredo for dinner.

So far the hard part has been in planning ahead. For the sushi chips and lemon coconut cookies I had to soak the nuts and then will have to make the mixtures and dehydrate them for about 10 hours. I guess the trick will be to have these things on hand ahead of time. It's all a learning process.

Day 1

I had a bad allergy attack yesterday. I'm sure it was a combination of airborne allergens and all the crap I've been eating. Like I said, I went on a little binge of foods that I won't be able to eat now. For those of you following my example, I am now thinking that was a big mistake. Yesterday I had to take Benadryl all day long and it wasn't really helping me. Today I am extremely miserable. My sinuses are completely swollen shut. I've been flushing them with salt water almost every half hour since 8AM and I am not seeing much improvement. Every one of you can remind me how crappy I feel right now if I am showing signs of giving up on raw.

I did make half of the recipes today. The book I am following suggests only preparing food twice a week. The preparation wasn't too bad. Charlie helped since I don't feel well. We made salad dressing, mock salmon, fettucine alfredo, and date nut torte. The only thing that took time was the fettucine. We had to use a vegetable peeler on 2 squash and 2 zucchini. Everything was very good. I would like these dishes even if I wasn't on a raw food diet. I've been grazing all day. The book also says that you will probably need to eat more at the beginning of the diet because your body is starving for nutrients. So I eat until I am satisfied and find myself wanting more a couple of hours later. Hopefully I can smell tomorrow and the food will be even that much better.

I almost forgot... the scale said 247.5 lbs. I figure I will weigh myself weekly to start.

Grocery shopping and week 1 menu

I will be following the 30 day menu listed in Alissa Cohen's book, "Living on Live Food". The grocery bill for this week was about $165 for me and the family. I bought a lot of start up items live almond butter and olive oil that will last a few weeks. Everything I bought was organic. I even bought a bottle of organic wine without sulfites (this is the only alcohol allowed). In addition to the following menu I bought coconut date rolls, one raw bar to try, stuff to make raw lemon coconut cookies and stuff to make sushi chips (nuts, coconut, and seasonings in a food processor and dehydrated on top of Nori seaweed sheets). The menu for this week from the book is:
fettucine alfredo (veggies in noodle shapes with a nut cheese sauce)
mock salmon
date nut torte
2 types of salad dressing
collard rolls
Pad Thai
banana ice cream
tons of fruit for breakfast