Day 18

Well I WAS having a good day. I went and had lunch with Christa who started eating raw last year. We has a great visit and great food. I really enjoyed myself. I was feeling very capable today and not having any cravings. I was feeling great about my ability to control my tastes of cooked food and to only allow them once in a while. My water aerobics class is planning to take me to lunch at a Japanese steak house for my last day of work next week and I was feeling very in control of eating that meal and returning raw. THEN....At dinner I had planned to make a big salad since I ate heavier at lunch. My husband comes in and tells me that the burgers he was grilling for him and the girls were almost ready. First of all, burgers are one of my biggest addictions. The raw pizzas help me with the pizza thing but nothing is a substitute for grilled burgers. This is from the man who would never grill burgers for me. Everytime I would make burgers, he would try to get me to do them in the broiler because it was easier. So I managed to only have 1/4 of a cheeseburger although I also added ketchup and mayo. It was an organic beef burger which I suppose is better than the alternative. Of course my choices were to either obsess about not eating the burger or obsess because I didn't. I really thought I was making such great progress. To make matters worse, this same husband had suggested to me this morning that maybe the reason I wasn't losing weight was the few bites of cooked food I had eaten. Now I may be prone to over (or under) exaggerate things to my advantage, but I swear I am not exaggerating when I say I literally have taken a few bites of food. I have completely confessed my transgressions on this blog. Charlie then suggested that my body is just very sensitive and I may need to be more radical than other people. HELLO, what I am doing isn't radical?!!! Needless to say, I am near tears and not sure how much to beat myself up about this.