Day 15 - halfway there

I did well at the Easter party today. I had a moment of panic at the beginning when everyone was putting food out. I started thinking that I couldn't handle it and I should just punt the whole thing. I can always go back to it tomorrow. Then I thought about how I said I would allow myself a taste of the things I really wanted and fill up on my raw foods. Charlie and I brought deviled eggs and a fruit tray. At the last minute I decided to bring the Mexican crackers I dehydrated yesterday and stuff to make guacamole. This was truly an inspired idea. When I got there, I saw that they didn't have many appetizers I could eat so I made the guacamole. Since they didn't have corn chips for the other guests, I shared my crackers. Everyone was receptive to the crackers. I can't say that anyone thought they were better than chips but since it was all we had, they ate them. People LOVED the guacamole. It was the funniest thing. All I did was throw together some avocados, tomato, green onion, and parsley (I accidently grabbed this instead of cilantro). I threw in some salt and lime juice. Everybody kept raving about it. I never knew I was a guacamole gourmet. I made some progress today. My appetizers were much more appealing to me than the other ones. I can't say the same about dinner but at least I have hope. They had chicken, sausage, potato salad, pasta salad, etc. After my guacamole and crackers I was bordering on full. I took a bite of the stuff I really wanted, passed on the rest and had my raw foods. I did the same for dessert. I am stuffed. I had a headache last night and feel a slight one now.

I am trying to nurture and support myself. I feel like I made progress at the party today. I don't really know what is "right" for raw foods people to do in this situation. Am I still a raw foodist if all I took were bites? I only know that I would probably be in tears and obsess about what I couldn't have for days if I hadn't tasted the food. So on the one hand, I am wondering if I am justifying my actions and on the other, I am proud of how I handled the party. I wonder if we ever stop second guessing ourselves. Am I a failure if I allow some regular foods into my life sometimes? I just want to be healthy and have a healthy relationship with food. I think the big test comes this week to see if I have any problems with staying 100 percent raw. I have no "special" events on the horizon. If I can continue the course and not let any cooked food sneak back in then I can say that having it on some occasions is okay.