Day 11

Today was a much better day. The pizza came out pretty good. I think that I've decided that I should simplify a bit. I keep trying new recipes and I only like about half of them. I realize that this is a new way of eating and I am learning what I like but I don't like being wasteful. I've decided it is probably a good idea to make sure I have items I know I like (guacamole, pizza) and try only one new dish a week.

Yesterday, Charlie came home from running an errand with a fast food burger. He tried to hide it from me but I caught him. I only took one small bite but could have cried because I really wanted to wrestle it from him and devour it. That small bite of burger has been the only cooked food to knowingly pass my lips. Earlier in the week I had a small bite of chicken and then spit it out. Maybe I'll invent a new eating disorder where you fill up on fruits and veggies and then eat a whole burger but spit out every bite (just kidding). I am trying so hard not to think about that burger. All of this has made me realize that this is my addiction talking. If I look at it in those terms it helps. It becomes a battle of wills. I keep holding on to the fact that people say that you really can beat this addiction and that eventually you really don't desire those foods. I think that for me this is the reason I had to go 100 percent raw. It is also the reason that no other diet has worked. Everything I have done before hasn't addressed the addiction and how to combat it. I really think this is the first time I've actually realized what an addiction I have!

All else is well. My fingers are broken out in eczema. I have decided to stay away from the scale for a while. I hope that this will allow me to focus on the changes in my body and not have something that shows what changes aren't occurring. I really hope I see a radical difference in this month to make it all worthwhile. I just read on a raw board how this one woman didn't have many changes. Everyone kept telling her to hang in there. All I kept thinking is when should you say hang in there and when should you say cut and run.