Just when I thought I had a handle on this....

Pneumonia struck! Who in the world actually gets pneumonia in the summer in Texas? Apparently I do. Needless to say, every other thing including fitness and weight loss have been wiped from my mind. Last weekend I wasn't feeling all that great. By Father's Day, I was really pushing myself to act normal so Charlie could have a good day. Monday I went to the doctor and they said either Whooping Cough or walking pneumonia. I took the antibiotics and cough medicine. Monday night, I started getting headaches. By Tuesday it was a full blown migraine. The doctor said I could stop the cough medicine and take one migraine pill. If that didn't cut it, off to the ER. Apparently, Tuesday night was ER night in Austin. It took about an hour and a half just to see the triage nurse. It was 4 hours before I was in a room. I wouldn't recommend 4 hours in the ER with a migraine. They took chest xrays, tons of blood, an EKG (apparently my pulse was running high), gave me an IV, morphine, and an inhaler. After the first set of blood came back, they decided that I could go home (the second set goes to the department of health). Today has been a good day so far. I haven't needed to take a narcotic yet for pain. I took a shower yesterday and needed a 3 hour nap. The word from people who have been through this is to not even think of leaving my bed/couch for 2 weeks and then take it easy for 4-6 weeks. I think I may go crazy.

Could this be patience?

I can't believe I am writing this, but I may be devolping patience when it comes to weight loss. Now that I have the true diagnosis of Type 2 diabetes and hypothyroidism, there is a certain amount of guilt I have been able to let go of. In talking with my family, I have always had symptoms of hormonal issues, even when I was little. I had just never seen an endocrinologist before. I don't know if my levels fell close enough to the normal range or I wasn't seeing the right doctors and the right time, but I know that I have always had issues. There are times when I do not have the healthiest behaviors, but it is a bit encouraging to think that maybe I wouldn't have been this heavy if everything was working. I have been struggling so hard with my weight for so long with very little results. It is comforting to think that it may not all be my fault.

That being said, I have reached a new place in my endeavor to be healthier. In the past, it has always been all or nothing. I have a habit of putting a person or program I am following in a place of authority over me. Then when I naturally rebel, I chuck my weight loss efforts. I have been doing Weight Watchers for a while now. The last few weeks I have struggled with motivation for the program. I know that it is a good program that works. I have been enjoying the meetings and learning a lot. I have been making good choices. The problem is that I haven't been following the program to the letter. While I am making good choices, I am not always making the best choice. This would be about the time I would chuck it all, but I am not feeling that this time. I am going to try a few weeks of listening to my body and eating when I am hungry and stopping when I am satisified instead of eating a certain amount of points. Now that I have my body working, I want to see if listening to it works. I do see the value of sticking with Weight Watchers even if I am doing my own thing. I generally learn something every week and it helps keep me focused on healthy habits. It is like an anchor. If my little experiment doesn't work, I can also go back to counting.

The past few weeks have led me to the above thoughts. Generally the weeks I really count, I don't lose much and the ones where I let myself eat what I want, I lose a bit more. It has been extremely slow, usually less that a half a pound a week. That is where this strange feeling of patience is coming in. Even thought the loss is excrutiatingly slow, it is still a loss which is a success especially since my thyroid has been off again. I also do not feel like I am dieting which works out great. I am not officially exercising, but being a lot more active and racing the kids around in the pool. My Weight Watcher leader likes to say that the point is not to say you lost all your weight and hated every minute of it. You would rather it take longer to lose but be able to say you had a great time.