Day 25

Today has been a hard day emotionally. I've been having anxiety dreams lately. This morning I woke up and had had basically every anxiety dream rolled into one dream. I was trying to figure out why I was feeling anxious and then it took me half the morning to come up with it (you see I am very bright):

I feel like I have lost my identity. Next year Becca is going to Kindergarten. This week alone I have stopped teaching religious education, being a leader for Girl Scouts, and quit teaching water aerobics. In two weeks, my mother will come visit. This will be her first visit in three years and the first one since she has somewhat acknowledged my abusive childhood. I am happy with all these changes. This is what I wanted. My problem is that feel like I took away the main way I used to comfort myself, food. I don't want it back, but also don't know what to do right now. I realize now that being fat has always been a shield for me. Also, Charlie's job is stessing him out right now and the kids are demanding a lot of attention so taking time for myself would be difficult. I should also mention that I have my period and am feeling sensitive.