Doing very well

I have had some successes that I wanted to share. I really feel like this food addiction program I did has given me a new relationship with food. I have gone to several pot lucks and been able to take a plate of food and not go back for seconds. I've been able to choose one or two desserts to try and not have to have some of everything. I've been able to sit in a room full of snacks for a few hours and not be interested in the food. It has been amazing. I don't know if I am losing weight or not but I know I am not gaining. I know that my food choices may not have been stellar because of parties, but I do not feel deprived and am making good choices out of what is in front of me. I have not been exercising but have been feeling lighter and moving a bit more. We have relatives coming in today so we will see how well I do with family stress and lots of restaurant food, but I think that I will be fine. Imagine a holiday season where I don't gain a ton of weight!

Very proud

My husband got a good review at work and wanted to go out to dinner to celebrate with the kids. He asked me if it was okay because he is so used to me being on some kind of restrictive diet. I told him that it was fine and we ended up going out for pizza. I only had 2 slices of pizza and was done. It had nothing to do with feeling like I SHOULD stop, I was just done. It felt really good to be able to go and enjoy dinner and not leave feeling stuffed and guilty.

This sucks!

I have been doing really well on the compulsive eating. I have only been eating when I am hungry. I haven't been overeating. For the most part I've been eating appropriate foods and that is where I apparently have screwed myself. I am not losing weight. I know that it has only been two weeks, and I've had my anniversary and some Christmas parties, but I've kicked butt in those situations. I went to a church potluck the other day and just got one plate of reasonable food, didn't go back for seconds, and only ate one dessert. That is huge compared to every other potluck situation I have had previously. The thing with this approach to compulsive eating is that you aren't supposed to fall into the diet mentality of NOT being able to have dessert or eat out or at parties. I know that consistently making poor food choices is also eating compulsively but I haven't been consistently making poor choices.

Now that I have ranted, here are some things that I think may be going on and how I plan to fix them. First of all, my allergies were acting up most of last week and I was taking medicine. I have moved off the medicine and am treating (pretty much successfully) with vitamins. I also haven't been very acitve at all. I am trying now to add fun activities like dancing to music with the girls or doing a few sun salutations. I am trying to ease into the exercise part of it because my body feels so cumbersome and I am feeling emotionally fragile and don't want to force myself to the gym. I want it to be fun. I also know that I have an insulin resistance issue and haven't been avoiding carbs. I am going to remind myself of this when I am choosing foods to fuel my body. Lastly, I wonder how powerful my addictive mind is and if on some level I am still creating this physical holding on of the weight so that I can eventually write this program off and continue to eat.

I keep looking at my remember letter and benefit list to remind myself of what I AM achieving when I don't see all the other benefits that come only with the weight loss.

Doing well

The program I am using for food addiction is going well. I am in the navigating the aftershocks phase. Apparently what happens is that when you are doing well, you start questioning yourself. It is your addiction trying to get you question your success and throw you back into the diet mentality. It differs from the initial addictive reaction because in the beginning, your addiction is trying to get you to eat. When you are navigating the aftershocks, your addiction is trying to get you to not eat and to diet so you will feel deprived and cave eventually. It is interesting because again, I didn't realize how strong these feelings were going to be. I basically have moved from thinking about food all the time and wanting to eat to wondering if I am doing this right and am I eating little enough to lose weight. Apparently it is all part of the process. Hopefully that means progess.

Fours and a Half Days Free From Compulsive Eating

I am on a little high right now. This program is really working for me. There are definitely some hard challenges, but right at this moment I am doing great. Sunday night was the night when I started using this program. I had a very hard time Tuesday night and half the day Wednesday. Since then, the challenges have been easier. One reason I really like this is that you are separating the compulsion from the fueling your body. It also really helps that I am able to call Mari and her associates when I am having a hard time.

Basically, I have this script that I say when I am having a compulsive desire. In the different parts of the script, you acknowledge the desire to eat compulsively, you affirm that you have a choice and can eat compulsively, you recognize that when you do, you do so all the time, and then you make a choice. Obviously this is a simplification of it, but you get the jist. I was prepared for the food thoughts and cravings. I was not prepared for the emotional doubt and self-talk. After a very serious bout with doubt in myself, I have been feeling a lot easier about this program. I hope this means I've hit a turning point. It has been amazing because I have made good food choices and haven't over eaten all week. Even today, I went to lunch with Charlie and ordered whatever I wanted. While I was eating, I kept moving things off my plate and onto his. All of this was done almost subconsciously and not because I felt I SHOULD. Hopefully it will continue to work this well and I will beat this once and for all and can fuel my body as needed.