More insights

Well, my counselor wasn't as convinced about the whole addiction thing as I was. She said that it sounds like I am more in fear of what my life will be like when all these changes are made. I am also in a grieving period which is natural when you are changing things in your life. You grief for what you are leaving behind. She also thinks I am way too hard on myself. I see this whole health thing as something I will succeed or fail at. Instead of looking at where I have come from and honoring how far that is, I feel like I have failed because the weight is still here. In other words, I am measuring my success in pounds, not life changes. In my case, I am grieving for the desire for cake and cheeseburgers. The fear I have is that all my excuses for being active will be taken away (allergies, weight). If I become more active, people might see that I never learned to play (bike riding, roller skating, water skiing) and laugh at me when I try. So basically, it all boils down to being isolated when I was a kid and using food as my friend. Self-actualization can really suck sometimes.